Coffee Chats Don’t Build Influence. This Does

 

If you’ve been thinking, I should probably be more intentional about my internal relationships this year, you’re not wrong.   But maybe like a lot of professionals (myself included) you tell yourself you’ll get to it later. You want to focus on your goals first and make sure you hit your KPIs.   Truth bomb coming up: Relationship building is part of your work. Arguably one of the most important parts. And February is actually a great moment to build relationships.   Early in the year, it’s completely normal to reach out to your stakeholders and ask what they’re focused on, what success looks like for them, and what they’re trying to get ahead of before things get busy. It doesn’t feel random. It doesn’t feel political. It feels useful.   That’s why I love running a stakeholder listening tour this time of year. You have the perfect excuse and higher chances of getting on people’s calendar.   Now this is not about having a coffee chat. It’s a deliberate strategy to understand what the people around you care about, so you can make smarter decisions and build trust faster.   When I stepped into my last VP role, this was one of the first things I did. Before pushing my plans, I spent time talking with the senior leadership team to understand what they were walking into that year. In one of those conversations, a sales leader shared priorities that weren’t fully reflected in my team’s roadmap.   So we made a few adjustments.   They weren’t dramatic changes, but they were meaningful. We pulled forward timelines on a couple of initiatives that really mattered to that leader and increased collaboration between our teams.   The impact was immediate. Even though this leader was new to the team and to me, trust formed quickly, because they could see that their input didn’t just land politely, it shaped my decisions. And later, when I needed support and advocacy, that trust was already there.   You don’t build this kind of relationships just by saying hello in the hallway.   So What Is A Listening Tour Exactly? A listening tour does something very simple and very powerful. It tells your stakeholders: What you care about matters to me.    You’re not asking for anything. You’re not pitching your work. You’re showing that you want your priorities to align with where the business is going, not just with what’s easiest or most familiar. That shift is subtle, but it’s huge.   When someone sees that you’re paying attention to the bigger picture and adjusting accordingly, they start to trust how you think. And that’s the kind of trust that turns into influence, support, and eventually sponsorship. If you’re not doing it yet, let me show you how to run a listening tour.

The 5-Step Listening Tour That Builds Trust and Rapport A stakeholder listening tour works because it sends a very clear signal: I care about the business beyond my own role.   When you do this well, a few things happen at once. You build stronger cross-functional relationships, you make it easier to get alignment on priorities, and over time, you increase your chances of getting the headcount, budget, visibility, and support you need to grow your scope and impact.   Eventually, this is also how sponsors are formed. Not because people recognize your name, but because they’ve experienced working with you as a partner who listens, adapts, and creates shared wins.   Here’s how to approach it.   1. Choose the right stakeholders Start with people whose priorities directly affect your work or your team’s success. These might be peers in other functions, senior leaders you don’t regularly interact with, or decision makers whose goals influence resourcing, timelines, or visibility. You’re not looking for “interesting conversations.” You’re looking for context that helps you operate more strategically.   2. Reach out with a clear, grounded reason You don’t need a long email or a polished pitch. Keep it simple and professional.   For example: “I’m doing a short stakeholder listening tour and would love to understand your priorities for the year so I can better align my work with what matters most to you and your team.”   That’s it. No selling. No agenda beyond listening. Early in the year, this kind of ask makes sense and often gets a yes, even from very senior, very busy people.   3. Use the time to listen, not perform The goal of the meeting is not to explain what you’re already doing. It’s to understand how they define success.   A few questions that work well: “What are the biggest priorities you’re focused on this year?” “Where do you expect the most pressure or risk?” “What would make this year feel successful for you?” “What kind of support from my team would make your job easier?”   You’re gathering information that helps you make better decisions later.   4. Adjust something based on what you hear This is where the listening tour becomes a trust-builder instead of just a nice conversation. Look for a real, tangible way to align. Maybe it’s a timeline shift, a change in how you collaborate, or a different way of prioritizing work. It doesn’t have to be massive, but it does need to be intentional.   When people see their input reflected in your decisions, they start to trust how you operate. Plus it gives you the perfect excuse to follow up with a meaningful update and strengthen the relationship.   5. Circle back and close the loop Don’t just say thank you. Show them the impact of the conversation.   For example: “I’ve been thinking about what you shared around X. We’ve adjusted our timeline on Y so it better supports your priorities this quarter.”   “Thanks for elaborating on goal X. My team have already implemented the process changes to include [their team member] in the approval process to remove any duplicates”   That follow-up does a lot of work for you. It reinforces that you listened, that you acted, and that working with you leads to progress.   A listening tour is a long term strategy When you run listening tours like this, you’re doing more than building goodwill.   You’re making it easier to: Get alignment instead of pushback Secure headcount or budget when you need it Expand your scope because people trust you with more Increase visibility with decision makers in a natural way   And over time, something else happens. People develop a stake in your success. They’ve seen you support their priorities. They’ve benefited from working with you. There’s reciprocity.   That’s when sponsorship starts to emerge. Not because you asked for it, but because someone is genuinely willing to back you, recommend you, and advocate for you when it matters.

Your Next Steps If you’re already thinking, I’m too busy for this, or these people are too senior, or they’ll never say yes, that’s your fear speaking. And it’s actually why I wrote this newsletter this week. You can run a listening tour anytime, but right now you have a higher chance of success and I don’t want you to miss out.   So let’s turn it into a challenge: Run at least 2 conversations in February and circle back to let me know how it went.   I will personally answer any follow up questions you have.   You will never know which conversation might change the game. I’ve seen this again and again with clients, colleagues, and in my own career. Sometimes one well-run conversation is enough to shift trust, visibility, and momentum in a meaningful way.   That’s how relationships turn into leverage. And that’s how doors open long before you knock on them.

I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you